I have a confession.
I'm an over-thinker.
I think too much, I analyzing too much, but I find it difficult to carry out my ideas.
Take this past January (and February), for example. I've had at least five different ideas of topics to write about in Janurary. Many of which were time-sensitive (i.e. revolved around New Year's or Chinese New Year, etc.), most of which I already uploaded pictures for, and all of which I had started typing out, but never completed. Each week I had thought about something I wanted to write about, something I wanted to do... but, somehow, my aspirations always seem to fall short. Hence, the lack of posts for these past few months. Even this post, this very post, it has taken me about 2 weeks to draft and finally publish. I started writing this post in February. And now... its March.
You, as my readers, might be thinking to yourself, "No big deal, it's just a blog... nobody's judging or anything."
To which I would say, why thank you, kind readers. But your kindness does not comfort me.
You see, this habit of mine does not end with blogging. In fact... this habit overflows to much of everything in my life. Whether it be for projects that I want to work on, schools or jobs I want to apply to, or even areas where I want to serve in church.
I over-think. I over-analyze. I come up with every "what if" circumstance possible, even before anything has happened. Therefore, rather than moving forward and accomplishing things I have set out in my life, I stay stagnant and grumble about how I have not change. How my circumstances have not changed.
When it comes down to it, I fear the future. I fear change in the future, therefore I do not pursue anything. I long for change, but I fear the consequences and challenges that change brings.
In these times, the verse that I fall back on is this:
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)
Even though I fear, I know that God is there for me, telling me to keep working hard. Telling me not to listen to that small voice of doubt that tells me I will fail. Telling me that He does indeed have greater plans for me than what I am doing now. I just have to trust Him and pursue Him. If I don't want to end up like the servant that was cast out because he did nothing with the talents given to him by his master (Matthew 25:14-30), I need to pick myself up and DO. Something.
What a simple thought, but what a difficult task to carry out. I've listened to this story countless times, yet I'm still unable to internalize the lesson behind His Truth. I still stay rooted to where I am, stubbornly refusing to take a leap of faith.
To those of you that read my blog and know me, thank you for reading. To those of you that do not know me, (and can't understand why this author is spending time posting about feelings and whatnot) I still thank you for reading. I don't know how much longer I will keep up with this blog, but I hope I can. I hope that, by posting up a more raw, personal statement, I'll be more motivated. Not only motivated to post about my crafting endeavors, but to also pick myself up and do WORK.
Even though its three months later... Let's not over-think things and get down to work.
As always, thanks for reading! Here's to more posts to come.
:)
